My pregnancy journey was filled with anxiety and worries, but in an effort to stay positive, I couldn't share how I felt with anyone.
The fear of stillbirth, regardless of how common the fear might be, it has always made me cringe hard on the inside. An article on NHS said that only 1 in 235 women would experience stillbirth, and in the United States, 1 in 160 births is a stillbirth - which means to say that this type of loss is quite rare.
When I was just a few weeks into my pregnancy, I came across a piece of awful news on Instagram. A friend of mine had delivered a son stillbirth at five months. Naturally, I was horrified. I had been following her pregnancy online and I couldn’t stop but imagine her devastation.
A few months later into my pregnancy, I received another news of a family friend who had a stillbirth at four months. Maybe this type of loss isn’t that rare after all. I was immediately filled with anxiety, worry and fear.
At what point should I stop worrying about stillbirth? At four months? At five months? I was too scared to even look it up online. There was no way I could maintain calm if I were to read more stories and research on stillbirth.
During my first few prenatal visits, I would briefly talk to my doctor about my concerns. She told me that I have got a normal case of a new-mom syndrome. She explained that this term is used to describe first-time pregnant women like me who are constantly nervous and worried.
A miscarriage was apparently fear number one, and after twenty weeks, the fear of stillbirth comes along. Somewhere in between, it’s the fear that ‘something might be wrong with my baby’, then the fear of pain during delivery, then, comes ‘what if I’m not a good enough mom?’. It’s really a never-ending feeling.
This was one of the few reasons why we decided to keep our pregnancy a secret, and offline.
One thing that I have definitely looked up were ways to reduce stress and boost my mood during my pregnancy. Ways to ease my ‘expectant mama drama’ was so important for me that I practised them day in day out.
I took great care of myself, I repeated positive mantras every day, I prayed, and most importantly, prepared myself to be prepared for anything at all.
What are/were your pregnancy worries and fears, and how do you cope with them?