Last night when our heads hit the pillows, Tim and I started talking about parenthood and how we both felt about this whole ride we're on. He revealed a few thoughts and I found some to be a bit surprising. Here were his confessions to me, in his own words:
A feeling that I have never felt before
Because Raisa had a c-section and was put to sleep, I was the first person to hold our baby. It was a feeling that I never felt before, it was different, it was a lot of joy.
I secretly wanted it to be twins
When Raisa was pregnant I secretly wanted it to be twins, but when the baby arrived... I thought, yeah, maybe just one is enough for now!
I became quite a germaphobe
I thought I have seen Raisa's extreme germaphobe side, but I was wrong. With the baby around she was always washing, cleaning and disinfecting, even more than she did before! She wouldn't even let me wear the same t-shirt twice, I find it a little over the top but I had to just try and understand. I would help where I can and I think this whole being clean stuff is getting to me. Believe it or not, I've now got wet wipes and hand sanitizer in my car, always cleaning and disinfecting.
Like walking on eggshells
It's hard to know what's on Raisa's mind. A few weeks after delivery I could see that her highs were higher, and her lows were lower. I had to be so careful with what I say and was always figuring out how to respond the correct way. It also made me read a lot of articles online and apparently, while it is totally normal that your wife's hormones will be all over the place after giving birth, it made a lot of dads anxious about it. But everything did come back to normal again after a few months and we were back to feeling like ourselves again.
I can't be selfish anymore
When I held Jacob in my arms at the hospital, I suddenly felt the need to up my game and be more responsible for Raisa and Jacob. I can't be selfish anymore and I'm going to have to always think about them in everything I do.
A push for me to work harder
I sometimes feel scared of the huge responsibility of having to raise a baby, but it's definitely a push for me to work harder. I don't think I would be working as hard today if it isn't for Jacob in our lives.
We matured and our relationship grew
I thought about my relationship with Raisa and wondered if it will change. Things really did change afterwards and thankfully it was the good kind. We matured and our relationship grew. I had to quickly adapt to life with a baby, and I understood that I won't get to spend much time with Raisa as much as we did before. I guess that just comes with parenthood.